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The Week's Inanity: How To Troll People With Drivers Licenses


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I watched the Oscars last night. Nobody cares what I think about the Oscars.
 
WHITE HOUSE: Oh hey, while you were watching the Academy Awards, here’s all of the stuff that’s gonna stop happening in North Carolina because we can’t avoid ridiculous spending cuts mandated by a law that made them so ridiculous that no serious lawmaker would dare let them go into effect, right? Anyway, gonna leave that here for ya... 
 
Pink drivers licenses in North Carolina? I did not know it was possible to troll people via ID card.
 
I remember a time, I think it was right after I got my first drivers license, when I used to spell out my name in perfect cursive. So that’s what I used for my first official signature. Every letter was perfect. And then I had to use that signature all the time. What a pain in the ass that was. On my next license, I basically just used a J and an M and some squiggly lines in between, drawn by flailing my hand across the page like I was trying to dispatch a fly. And now North Carolina wants to bring cursive back? LET IT DIE, MAN.
 
There is a UNCC GooseSpotter App.
 
If the Carolina Panthers were more British, they’d be the Posh-- I’m sorry, what again
 
A UNC professor says yes, you can in fact eat your own poop
 
Charlotte’s first Spanish-language sports magazine skips ahead to the swimsuit issue
 
You were so close to finding love at Walmart.
 
So, the lawmakers who represent us in our representative democracy killed a bill legalizing medical marijuana because they were getting too many calls in support of said bill. Just wanted to make sure I got that right.
 
You do not want to be this doctor.
 
Let’s keep Charlotte boring, people. Let that be our rallying cry.

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Dispatches in Inanity from Jeremy Markovich

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The thinly veiled musings of some guy who makes TV news, writes for Charlotte magazine and used to guide whitewater rafts here in town. Hiding behind a guise of wordiness and talkitude, wrapped in seaweed and tendered for your reading pleasure, it's writing contained only by bandwidth and a lack of free time.

About Jeremy Markovich

Jeremy Markovich writes Way Out, the back page column for Charlotte magazine. He is also a producer with NBC Charlotte. Follow him on Google+, and on Twitter at @deftlyinane.

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