It Has To Be Everything

The Charlotte Hornets revealed their new uniforms, which are great and terrible, no matter what


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I know. Another. Hornets. Post.

But I digress. Imagine working for a boss who's pushing out a new product, and he or she is telling you how to market it. It's gotta be new. But with a nod to the history. It has to be fresh. But incorporate elements of the past. It has to be nostalgic. But updated for a new era.

You've heard this before: It has to be _____, but not TOO ______. But I'm worried that it won't be ______ enough. It's like telling someone that you want them to mix yellow and blue, but you don't want it to be too blue, or too yellow, but you don't want, ew, green.

With that in mind, I present to you the new Charlotte Hornets uniforms, unveiled today:

No joke -- At lunch, there were two women sitting next to me at Zoe's Kitchen in SouthPark, and one of them had her phone out and was staring at the uniforms. They're teal and purple, but I don't get it, she said. Where are the pinstripes?

So no, I don't envy the people who had to design the new Hornets gear because they had an impossible task: design a piece of clothing that somehow is able to transcend the past and the future and yet make everybody happy. I like the new uniforms. But instantly, I noticed the regular home and away jerseys have Hornets printed across the chest, while the jerseys of old never said Hornets on them, only Charlotte. I knew Alexander Julian didn't design these ones. I was hoping for pinstripes.

Such is life as a grown-up. When you're a kid, you can't wait until you're older, because you just see it as a more awesome continuation of being a kid. Then you hit a certain point and learn that life is a game of managing expectations. That includes the expectation that there's an easy way to go back to the way things were. It also includes the expectation that these Hornets can be those Hornets.

For the record, I'm wearing my throwback Hornets shirt today. I have another t-shirt with the new logo on it. I like each one. But I can't wear them both at once.

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Dispatches in Inanity from Jeremy Markovich

The thinly veiled musings of some guy who makes TV news, writes for Charlotte magazine and used to guide whitewater rafts here in town. Hiding behind a guise of wordiness and talkitude, wrapped in seaweed and tendered for your reading pleasure, it's writing contained only by bandwidth and a lack of free time.

About Jeremy Markovich

Jeremy Markovich writes Way Out, the back page column for Charlotte magazine. He is also a producer with NBC Charlotte. Follow him on Google+, and on Twitter at @deftlyinane.

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