Famous Adjacent: Give Back the Buzz

 I have failed you, Charlotte. When I first started Famous Adjacent, I had three goals in mind:

1) Become famous enough to have someone else's writing described as "Keenanesque."

2) Receive a screaming phone call from my editor regarding my sources.

3) In the spirit of Batman, warn the city of impending doom.

It's the third goal I have fallen short on. Fortunately, there's still time. The train holding Joker's deadly laughing gas hasn't pulled into town quite yet. My warning is simple: you can name the Charlotte basketball team whatever you like, it's still going to be awful. Washington Generals bad. And it's not going to get better for a very long time.

The problem is that while he might have been Basketball Jesus when he played the sport, Michael Jordan is anything but as an owner. Bad drafts, bad trades, and bad business practices have our basketball team being used as a lesson plan in what not to do as a franchise. Don't believe me? The Bobcats can boast that during the 2011-2012 season, they had the worst NBA winning percentage of all time. (.106) Since Jordan came on as an owner in 2006, 4 coaches have been fired.

Also, — and I may be the last person who should be speaking about fashion — he really needs to stop wearing Dad jeans. Seriously, why the hell does MJ wear Dad jeans?

Side note: There is a Tumblr Blog called "What The F is Mike Wearing," dedicated entirely to MJ's poor clothing choices if you think I'm alone in this. 

I write this to make a point. It's time to change the name of the basketball team back to the Bobcats. I have nothing but fond memories of the Hornets. Muggsy Bogues, Alonzo Mourning, Del Curry? That team was turbosweet, because they were so damn cool. Don't take that away from me. 

The Bobcats were never awesome. Changing the name back to the Hornets turns this team into a zombie horror show of what used to be a terrific memory. And that's way worse than having our team used as a national punch line for bad basketball. We could have stopped this before it ever started, Charlotte. To paraphrase Tavis Brunson: (One of Charlotte's greatest poets) I have failed you, Gotham. I have failed you.

 

The hero Charlotte needs (Not the one it wants)

Sean Keenan

Categories: Arts + Culture, Revue