Fare Enough

They’re opening up an Earth Fare in Rock Hill three blocks from my house and I’m about 90 percent excited and 10 percent worried. I like eating healthy foods, but I can only afford the good tasting stuff that kills you.

 

I went into a Whole Foods once and saw these adorable Asian pears that came wrapped in individual Styrofoam, mesh cocoons. I like pears and I’m sure Asian pears are lovely, but if I don’t care whether my pear is wrapped in a tiny, protective bundle, why would I pay for it?

I saw free-range shrimp at Whole Foods, too. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think it’s possible to corral shrimp. Maybe if you’re growing them in a tank or your bathtub, but if you’re getting them from an actual body of water, they’re not exactly ranch raised.

I see the benefits of the “all-natural” life, and I’ll even spend $8 on a bottle of Burt’s Bees Volumizing Pomegranate and Soy shampoo, but I can’t afford to live from nature alone. I have a friend who buys natural sea sponges to do his dishes, and won’t eat anything that isn’t organic, and uses Tom’s of Maine deodorant, and lets his girlfriend feng shui his bedroom. Big ups to that! That takes discipline and dedication to living a healthy and balanced life. I am neither healthy nor balanced. I like red meat, organic just means you want me to pay more for it, and the theme of my bedroom is “I put it there because that’s where it fits.” I can’t be bothered to live any other way.

I think that if a pear is going to cost $5 and have its own carrying case, it should probably do more than just taste good. It should glow in the dark, or maybe change the oil in my car. And if you’re going to try and sell me free-range shrimp, let’s go scuba diving in the Gulf of Mexico so you can show me the shrimp ranches. I just want my money’s worth.

Now what would really be worth my money is a store where I didn’t spend $100 a week on groceries. I’ll admit it, I’m a conspicuous consumer with secret fantasies of people looking into my refrigerator and saying things like “Oh, where did you get bison meat?” or “I’ve never seen that kind of eggplant before!” It never happens. No one cares what’s in my fridge but me and now that I’m too busy to cook, I can’t even appreciate it properly.

So the Earth Fare cometh and I’m 90 percent excited because I secretly want people to marvel at the things that I pretend to eat, and 10 percent worried that the scheme will bankrupt me.

 

Erika Weed is a senior at Winthrop University and an editorial intern at Charlotte magazine.

Categories: The Buzz, Trade & Tryon, Trade & Tryon > Misc.