Red Moon

The N.C. GOP farts in the Times' general direction

Here’s the open letter to The New York Times that N.C. Republican Party Chairman Claude Pope (a cousin of Art’s if you were wondering, and I know you were) published on the state party website Friday. It’s in response to the widely circulated Times editorial, “The Decline of North Carolina,” published last week.

A few excerpts:

Thank you, New York Times. We southern hillbillies are always honored when the Old Gray Lady’s beacons of intelligence bestow their political wisdom from on high.

And why shouldn’t we be eager to heed your advice on critical legislative matters pending in the Tar Heel State?

After all, you’ve stood courageously against some of humanity’s most imminent threats – like soda. Does the thought of hiking taxes on North Carolina’s job creators make your Ivy League hearts flutter as fast as a new tax on Dr. Pepper? It must. Why else would you be so serious about leaving the unemployed stuck in poverty, instead of helping them climb out of it by creating new jobs? …

If you had ever stepped foot in North Carolina, you’d know the carnage you describe is actually a massive rebuilding and clean-up effort. Your ideological soul mates sunk this state into a financial hole larger than your collective egos …

Oh, and thanks for all the revenue. The “grotesque” policies you decry are bringing North Carolina more residents from New York than any other state in the nation. 

Thanks again, New York Times. We aspire one day to live in a state as progressive, clean and friendly as your city. And to live in a world as enlightened as your editorial board.

By golly, I think that boy’s usin’ him some sarcasm! That’ll show ‘em! I have a sneaking suspicion New Yorkers aren’t flocking to North Carolina because they love the idea of restricting voting and reproductive rights, or trying to hike taxes on bread and milk. Let’s get some fresh data in before we get too cocky, yes?

Anyway, if anybody had any second thoughts about North Carolina’s GOP leaders being anything more than perpetually aggrieved, immature hicks, well, here’s proof that should snap them right back to reality. The time Mr. Pope took to craft his manifesto turns out to have been wasted, I think. Will Ferrell beat him to the punch, and it took him only four seconds.

Categories: Poking the Hornet’s Nest