The Week's Inanity for August 24: Special Almost-DNC Edition!

Among the things banned from Bank of America Stadium during President Obama's speech: Silver Bullets.

You may now kiss your bride. In Gastonia.

Somebody put Charlotte's Bachelorette house up for rent for the DNC. I hope they wiped up all of the hair gel and Axe body spray.

Preemptive DNC superdelegate buzzkill: "Charlotte is becoming real difficult."

Homeless people won't be hidden during the convention. They just won't be able to get into the convention.

At least the homeless can stay at cheap mot– oh.

Some guy from Charlotte is selling romneyandryan.com.

Jimmy Clausen is looking for some face cream. UPDATE: He found it.

The state of North Carolina invested in Facebook. Ah, crap.

The Associated Press says stories about Charlotte still need to include an N.C. in the dateline. Just in case you thought we were still living in Metrolina.

We were unaware that you could classify ten of the Charlotte Bobcats plays as 'the best.'

"The ensemble as a whole looks lifeless, as if it's trying to be something it's not. Actually, that look may fit the Bobcats' identity after all."

Bring Back The Buzz Update: New Orleans Hornets Owner-To-Be Tom Benson: We'd like to drop the Hornets name. David Stern: You don't own the team yet SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

A man in Charlotte shot himself at the gun show—presumably he did not have two tickets, ladies.

No, Charlotte native and Olympic gold medal swimmer Ricky Berens cannot lick his own elbow, as demonstrated here.

Somebody knocked over the golden statue of Hugh McManaway in Myers Park. This picture makes him look like a zombie rising from a stone sarcophagus.

I'll believe knee socks make great arm protectors when I see an NBA power forward wearing them.

The Jed Clampett of custom automobile makers is coming to the Food Lion AutoFair.

Some people had lunch.

If I had to give the new UNC Pop Tart a grade, I'd give it a C, but it'd probably end up getting an A.

 

Jeremy Markovich (@deftlyinane) is a regular contributor to Charlotte magazine, and a producer at NewsChannel 36 in Charlotte. He also blogs at deftlyinane.com.