This Week in Charlotte Inanity: Laptop Linanity, Dan Murrey Smokes His Own Pork, and More

Note: Starting today, on most Fridays, I'll be turning Trade & Tryon over to the inimitable Jeremy Markovich for his installment of This Week in Charlotte Inanity.

Perhaps you’ve heard of Tommy Jordan and his daughter. They’re from Albemarle. She complained about her chores on Facebook. He went Pulp Fiction on her laptop, shooting it eight times with his handgun. Then he posted the video online (Note: There are a few four-letter words in the above video). This is a form of punishment condoned only by Dr. Phil and, say, thousands of internet trolls.

If you’re concerned about the glorification of violence and the possible spread of over-the-top traumatic parenting, you’re missing the point, because NOBODY IS THINKING OF THE LAPTOP. Unfortunately, violence against machines is nothing new. Take the case of this guy, who unloaded on a Panasonic laptop with an assault rifle. Or this one, where somebody fires upon a HP with an air soft pistol. Or witness this: a Dell Inspiron 1150 being Dick Cheneyed with a shotgun. “Surprisingly, the buckshots hardly penetrated the LCD,” said the shooter. See? 'Tis but a flesh wound.

There is no need for this anger. I dropped my Droid on the sidewalk a few weeks ago. I cracked the screen. The first thing I did? I apologized. I gently stroked the display it with my fingers. “Everything’s gonna be alright baby,” I said as I scrolled through my Twitter feed.

So be forewarned, computer hunters. You might think you’re destined for YouTube stardom. But opening fire on your Kindle Fire won’t be so funny when Skynet takes over.

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Linanity: Mark Cuban says if Jeremy Lin played for the Charlotte Bobcats, Linsanity would not be gripping the nation. This may be true. Someone who I love very very much (and who is not a basketball fan) said this week: “Wait, D.J. Augustin is a basketball player? I thought he was a D.J.!”

When you lose 16 in a row, even the proofreaders give up.

The North Carolina border cut this lady’s home in two like a Ginsu knife.

Democratic National Convention delegates from American Samoa and Guam get to travel all the way from the other side of the world to shack up at the Quality Inn off Interstate 85.

This Demands Context: Dan Murrey, executive director of Charlotte in 2012: “I even smoke my own pork.” That sounds so weird.

At UNC Charlotte: They copy the guy with the toga and fro that bounced on a rope in the Super Bowl Halftime Show.

Clay Aiken's not running for governor. But it's crossed his mind.

Iron Maiden is coming. Cancel your picnic.

Over the last month, at least eight media organizations referred to us as Charlotte, South Carolina. Facepalm.