This Week in Charlotte Inanity: Oh Please, Mr. Jon Stewart, Don't Make Fun of Us

Jeremy Markovich
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Have you ever been to, say, the Comedy Zone, and you’re sitting in the front row, and your stomach is sore from laughing so hard, and you think the comedian is the funniest person on the planet, and then he (or she) sees you and starts making fun of you? Starts pointing out your flaws? Making jokes at your expense? And then you’re all like, that guy was funny, but he didn’t have to point out my haircut/Affliction t-shirt/thumb ring/patterned fedora/fu manchu/age in front of all of those people. I was just sitting there. Minding my own business. Drinking a Smirnoff Ice. And then he started making fun of my Smirnoff Ice. Uncalled for.

Well then get ready, Charlotte. The Daily Show is coming.

Jon Stewart and crew will set up shop at ImaginOn during the Democratic National Convention in September. I think the Daily Show is one of the smartest, funniest and brutally honest television programs of all time. But I certainly wouldn’t want to be on its hit list.

Charlotte is a family town. And just like any family, we have stuff that we know about ourselves but don’t talk about openly. We’re look at ourselves in the mirror a lot. We got a letterman jacket for banking in high school, but we don’t wear it anymore, even though we really want to. We have a weird uncle who we talk about behind his back (Gastonia).

The Daily Show is a charming vampire. And we’ve just invited him in for dinner.

Jon Stewart has mentioned us before. A year ago, President Obama said it was in our national interest to intervene in Libya. He used the massacres in Benghazi as reason to take action. Then he pointed out that Benghazi was the same size as Charlotte.

“Is there a massacre of a city the size of Charlotte that IS in our national interest?” asked Stewart. “And is it Charlotte?”

I can’t wait to see what they say about us in September. I’ll laugh. I’ll cringe. And I’ll finish my Smirnoff Ice before anyone sees me drinking it.

Gentlemen, it’s been an honor fileting with you tonight: Thanks to this restaurant in Charlotte, you can eat like the passengers did right before the Titanic struck the iceberg and sunk into the cold, watery, horrible abyss of the North Atlantic. But hey, for your tenth course, you can have Waldorf Pudding!

Eye of the Panther: Carolina running back Jonathan Stewart has a new Twitter avatar. And it looks like one of those LeRoy Neiman paintings from the end of every Rocky movie.

There is something paradoxical about a place in Charlotte called Penny Pinchers being sold for $1 million.

Ashley Judd is going to be a DNC delegate: Fans of Double Jeopardy (and Charlotte-Mecklenburg police) should note that, since she was already convicted of murdering her husband, she’s free to kill again.

You Don’t Say: The highway patrol will be out this weekend to look for speeders. They’re calling the it “No Need 2 Speed.” Obviously, Vin Diesel is behind the PR campaign for this.

Last Friday night’s Bobcats announced attendance: 13,806. Here’s a picture I took just before tipoff. Count the fans.

Categories: The Buzz, Trade & Tryon