It's Back To School Day!

For you and your kid and, you know, EVERYBODY ELSE
terren in Virginia via Flickr
Click like if you enjoy or do not enjoy school buses.

I don't know who you are, Will O'Donoghue, but you have captured the essence of this most important day:

So now traffic is a thing again. Underpaid teachers are a thing again. Mythical teachers' unions are too. Chicken biscuits are a thing (that's new). And apparently security is a thing again, because nothing encourages learning like a school laid out like a minimum-security federal prison. I understand the need to keep kids safe and all, but it's nice to have science class in a place that's more charming than the lockup at Butner.

Also, it's time for the overt Universally Shared Experience Social Media Engagement Strategy to return:

I sure will, men's hair salon! Points off for grammar, but extra credit for ENTHUSIASM!!

The worst part about going back to school is the assumption that it's a wonderful one-size-fits-all good timey experience. I was a kid once. Come late August, I always had relatives telling me how great it would be to see my friends at school again. That's not true. I had been hanging out with my friends for three straight months, testing out a laissez-faire existence when BAM, I had to start getting on a bus again and sitting next to the guy who was always putting out a cigarette as he got on. Then I'd get there and have to actively avoid all of the people that I'd managed to passively avoid all summer. I was bound to bump into the 4th string running back who wore his letterman jacket everywhere and kept using the exact same anti-gay slur, as if repetition would somehow make it true. I had to steer clear of that girl I liked who was two social circles above me and therefore could never know that I liked her without some sort of terrible shame being visited upon my head. And then there was the guy who made it his mission to head butt everybody he could in gym class. It was only a matter of time before he'd jump in front of me, smash his forehead into mine, scream YEAAAHHHHHHHH and strut toward the locker room. I was not looking forward to seeing that guy.

I have no idea what it's like to be a kid in school now. I'm guessing it's about the same, but that it's much easier for people to talk behind your back, because smartphones. And parents have smartphones too, which means today my entire Facebook feed is just other people's kids at bus stops:

(I'm assuming that a pediphile is someone who is obsessed with pedicures.)

Going back to school is a big deal. It is. But it's something that, at some point, everybody does. Let it be your experience. Let it be your kid's experience. Head butt the day. Cherish it in your own way:


Categories: Blog Links > Week in Inanity, The Buzz, Way Out