Our Hero

The horrid conditions under which Pat McCrory can emerge as the voice of sanity
N.C. Governor's Office

And so it has come to this: The North Carolina legislature has become so brazen, so prone to passing and pushing versions of laws that seem inspired by fraternity pranks, that Pat McCrory—Pat McCrory!—has emerged as the voice of sanity and the rule of law.

He’ll tell you himself, or have his communications staffers do it. The headline atop his announcement that he had vetoed Senate Bill 2—the “magistrates get to opt out of their jobs because they don’t cotton to the gays” bill—reads, “Governor McCrory defends Constitution.” The guy can’t even do the right thing without being all smug and sanctimonious about it.

But that’s what we’re going to have to settle for. Everyone else is berserk. I’ve been holding my fire on writing about the General Assembly’s latest f*ckeries because, honestly, I just don’t know what more I can say about Bob Rucho and his voice-vote travesty; or the abortion bill changes that Charlotte’s Sen. Jeff Jackson rightly points out exist to set up campaign TV ads; or this piece of high pettiness from Raleigh businessman Bob Luddy, who is either full-goose nuts or more in tune than the rest of us with the government-for-sale ethos of the post-Citizens United landscape; or the Koch Brothers’ new “policy shop for freedom,” a phrase I can’t even bring myself to parody.

So here, our governor [emphasis mine]: “I recognize that for many North Carolinians, including myself, opinions on same-sex marriage come from sincerely held religious beliefs that marriage is between a man and a woman. However, we are a nation and a state of laws. Whether it is the president, governor, mayor, a law enforcement officer, or magistrate, no public official who voluntarily swears to support and defend the Constitution and to discharge all duties of their office should be exempt from upholding that oath; therefore, I will veto Senate Bill 2.”

That the most anodyne, no-shit utterance imaginable makes me, for a second and a half or so, want to stand up and cheer is an indicator of how far down the kudzu-covered cliffs we’ve slid. That’s the dismal spirit in which I offer a hearty, “Hooray, Pat McCrory,” and now head out to down a stiff one, which, for any sponsors of Senate Bill 2 who might be reading, is not a reference to what gay newlyweds do on their wedding night.

Categories: Poking the Hornet’s Nest