The Week's Inanity, Dec. 7: In which we go deep on Richard Marx
Richard Marx was in Charlotte this week. Yes. That Richard Marx. Soft rock Richard Marx. Dentist’s office Richard Marx.
It must be really hard to be Richard Marx, because no matter where he is, he’s probably always having people walking up to him saying “I will be right here waiting for you.” Because ha! That’s so clever! I’ll bet he never heard that one before. Or this one:
GUY: Hey Richard Marx!
RICHARD MARX: What?
GUY: (giggling under his breath)
RICHARD MARX: What is it?
GUY: Hold on to the night!
RICHARD MARX: (swears quietly)
Note: That would probably work best at night.
There’s a bit Michael Ian Black wrote a few years ago, about how Billy Joel must feel when he’s driving toward a party where he knows there’s going to be a piano. And at the beginning, he’s all like, “I’m not playing it.” And at the end: “Who am I kidding? Of course I’m going to play it. I always play it.” Because, dammit, he’s Billy Joel. This is the nature of being Billy Joel. And aside from people asking Billy Joel to play Piano Man, a lot of people must ask Billy Joel if he ever gets tired of people asking him to play Piano Man, which must be ever more aggravating that being asked to play Piano Man.
Sing us a song, you’re the piano man, they say. And inside, in a softly weeping voice, Billy Joel must just be saying to himself “I am. I am.”
And here’s the thing, and it almost pains me to say this: Richard Marx is actually kinda funny. As in, I think I would hang out with Richard Marx. I think I’d have a beer with Richard Marx. He seems like a clever guy. Here’s how his Twitter bio lists him:
Parkour enthusiast- songwriter- life coach to both members of Wang Chung
There's more. A few days ago, presumably boarding a plane to Charlotte, he tweeted this:
From inception to completion, Jonas Salk cured polio faster than most people go through airport security. #whatissofuckinghard
— Richard Marx (@richardmarx) December 6, 2012
Richard Marx just dropped a clever line, and then he swore. This is just like that scene in Jerry McGuire where Tom Cruise tells Jonathan Lipnicki that the f–kin’ zoo’s closed.
A couple of years ago, I went to go see Edwin McCain at the Neighborhood Theater in NoDa, where he made a habit of performing on Thanksgiving. And I was a little embarrassed, because I didn’t want anybody I knew to see me slinking into an Edwin McCain concert. I mean, the guy sang I’ll Be, which is the least awesome thing you can blast at high volume from your Chevy Cavalier.
And I was so wrong about Edwin McCain. He was great. He was funny. He had everybody cracking up. And he played music that wasn’t sappy.
He did close with I’ll Be. But by that time I had just accepted it and sang along. Screw you, Edwin McCain, for buttering me up.
Anyway, if you didn’t see Richard Marx last night at the McGlohon Theater, he’s on QVC today apparently after leaving Charlotte in a hurry this morning:
Charlotte! You guys were cool! Thanks for coming out tonight. Early, early flight so…Dick Out. xo
— Richard Marx (@richardmarx) December 7, 2012
Richard Marx. You just said…
I won’t tell.
- Andy Dulin won't run for mayor, telling the Charlotte Business Journal: "No, man, I'm too smart for that."
- U.S. Senator and Tea Party darling Jim DeMint is quitting you, Congress. He'll step down January 1st, prompting some people to thrown Stephen Colbert's name out as a possible candidate, as well as prompting this response from DeMint's former Democratic challlenger:
— Alvin Greene (@greeneforsenate) December 6, 2012
South Carolina Politics, sometimes I love you so much, it hurts.
- The Bobcats lost to the Knicks Wednesday night on a last second shot. But some Bobcats, apparently, never lose:
I thought Ben Gordon was the goat until I saw the women he left the arena with. Wow. Now this is the NBA we all know and love
— Frank Isola (@FisolaNYDN) December 6, 2012