US Airways is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful airline I've ever known in my life

The world's biggest carrier-elect is just wonderful, I tell you
Ingy The Wingy via Flickr

I really don’t know how we ever complain about airlines. You give them money and they whisk you into the stratosphere at 400 miles per hour in a fantastic metal cylinder. Is your destination St. Maarten? Is it Tulsa? Doesn’t matter. Your trip is FANTASTIC. I don’t care if your flight to Key West is diverted to Moose Jaw in the dead of winter. It’s the journey, people.

Yeah, sometimes they lose your luggage and sometimes they cancel or, even worse, delay flights and leave you inside an aluminum test tube to cook/freeze out there on the tarmac while you wait for flock of geese to wander across runway 18, all of which is just a small price to pay for a trip through the the wild blue yonder. Still angry? Come on. You need perspective.
 
So it’s with no trepidation AT ALL that we welcome our new overlords from American Airlines, a bankrupt airline that was the subject of a hostile takeover Viking invasion gentle giveaway at the hands of US Airways last week. I don’t know anyone who didn’t see it coming. You know your pregnant friend that’s still wearing tight sweaters and genuinely thinks NOBODY can see her baby bump? That was US Airways over the last month. Doug Parker is with child.
 
It is an exciting time, and not just for airlines. Duke and Progress Energy are merging. Heinz and Warren Buffett are merging. Comcast and the rest of NBC Universal are merging. Companies are hooking up left and right. They are gettin’ it on. Bumpin’ uglies. Doesn’t anyone want to go it alone anymore? Is anyone happy with being a big fish in a small pond? Or is it a small fish in a big pond? If I were a fish, I’d want some elbow room. I have no idea what it’s like to be a fish. I’d probably bump into the side of the bowl a lot.
 
And now, that theoretical fishbowl just got a whole lot bigger for Charlotte. The new American Airlines will be the world’s largest, and its second largest hub will be Charlotte, which means fares will go up and there will be more flights and you’ll soon be able to fly to exotic locations like Tokyo and Helsinki and Hoth, if you don’t mind the layover at Mos Eisley. Even more of the world will soon be at your doorstep. That’s a steal at any price, as long as that price doesn’t include baggage fees.
 
 
The North Carolina elevator lady is apparently leading the polls in a hypothetical race for U.S. Senate.
 
The Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department has a Citizens Review Board that’s never sided with citizens. So there’s that. 
 
If that movie studio out at Eastland Mall ever falls through, here’s a fallback
 
Wells Fargo debit card ID photos. Now with cats
 
A piece of bacon that resembles North Carolina. Because Buzzfeed
 
The Daily Tar Heel wins the Internet
 
DMX arrested in South Carolina for driving without a license. D-M-V, wha'cha really want?
 
Michael Jordan is 50. He can kick, stretch aaaaand kick. He’s 50. Fifty years old.
 
Bass Pro Shops has armed its mannequins. Because the only thing that stops a bad dummy with a gun is a good dummy with a gun. 
 
Bruton Smith would buy the Panthers. Because Jerry Richardson is 76, and there are worries about the long-term viability of the team and OH WAIT BRUTON SMITH IS 85.
Categories: Blog Links > Week in Inanity, The Buzz, Way Out