The Week's Inanity: Grab Bag!

Stolen chicken wings, Ryan Lochte, and a happy little painter sighting at the airport

There was a lot of important news last week. Mecklenburg County commissioners fired their longtime county manager and told him they'd clean out his office and drop all of his stuff off at his house. Cicadas are about to emerge from the ground and bust our eardrums. Ryan Lochte was here, and we appear to be no worse for wear.

But here's what you may have missed:

• Providence Road: Charlotte’s new Florida.
• Bob Ross isn’t dead. He’s just a happy little US Airways passenger.
• Operation Breaking Dawn – The worst name I can think of for an undercover drug roundup that has nothing to do with teenage vampires.
• Last week’s extraordinary event, which gives police extra policey powers, was the Bank of America shareholders meeting in Charlotte. This was the only extraordinary thing that happened.
• I don’t usually believe in media conspiracy theories, but I suppose this is evidence of how you keep Dale Jr. in the spotlight when he’s not winning. Your move, Breitbart.
• This bill would force kids to ask their parents for permission to get birth control, so I guess teenagers will all just stop having sex when their parents tell them no.
• We will protect this state’s pristine forests by encouraging more people to cut them down to build more inefficient buildings. Ok, Greg Lacour, I’m tapping out.
• A movie theater in the Arboretum is no longer accepting cash as payment, so I no longer accept that eating movie-butter popcorn will lead to gradual fattening and artery clogging.
• The same Sunday that gave us a well-reported story about 60 convicted felons who have gun permits also gave us a well-reported story about the theft of an $8 bag of chicken wings from the Gastonia Wal-Mart. For every journalistic high tide, there is a low tide.